Ari

Amazing MIT response letter

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 02:37:26 GMT

The following is a standard letter sent by the MIT admissions department to a student, followed by what is possibly the funniest possible response to the letter. I know for a fact that I got a similar letter from MIT just last year.

Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567

Dear John:

You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised. Most students would be.

But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.

The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!

Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country) to writing.

What? Of course, you don't want to be bored. Who does? Life here *is* tough *and* demanding, but it's also *fun*. MIT students are imaginative and creative - inside and outside the classroom.

You're interested in athletics? Great! MIT has more varsity teams - 39 - than almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural program so everybody can participate.

You think we're too expensive? Don't be too sure. We've got surprises for you there, too.

Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about this unique institution? Why not do it right now?

Sincerely,

Michael C. Benhke
Director of Admissions

P.S. If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, "Insight," just check the appropriate box on the form.

May 5, 1994

Michael C. Behnke
MIT Director of Admissions
Office of Admissions, Room 3-108
Cambridge MA 02139-4307

Dear Michael:

You've got the reputation. You've certainly got the pomposity. And now you've got a letter from John Mongan. Maybe you're surprised. Most universities would be.

But you're not most universities. And that's exactly why I urge you to carefully consider one of the most selective students in America, so selective that he will choose only *one* of the thousands of accredited universities in the country.

The level of pomposity and lack of tact reflected in your letter is a powerful indicator that your august institution might well be a possibility for John Mongan's future education. It certainly got my attention!

Don't want Bio-Chem students? No problem. It may surprise you to learn that my interests cover over 400 fields of study, from semantics to limnology, from object-oriented programming (perhaps one of the youngest professionals in the country) to classical piano.

What? Of course you don't want egotistical jerks. Who does? I *am* self-indulgent *and* over confident, but I'm also amusing. John Mongan is funny and amusing - whether you're laughing with him or at him.

You're interested in athletes? Great! John Mongan has played more sports - 47 - than almost any other student, including oddball favorites such as Orienteering.

You think I can pay for your school? Don't be too sure. I've got surprises for you there, too.

Why not send a guaranteed admission and full scholarship to increase your chance of being selected by John Mongan? Why not do it right now?

Sincerely,
John Mongan

P.S. If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, "John Mongan: What a Guy!" just ask.

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 21:38:50 GMT

I found an awesome, colorful flash script that you should all take a look at. It's a shame that lj prohibits embedding scripts or applets in posts, because it means that I'm going to have to link you .

Right click, open in new window. Comment if you like it.

credit: ~Volcanic-Penguin on DeviantART

Introducting...iPhone Shuffle

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 00:11:23 GMT

courtesy mac-essentials.de

animal cuteness

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 03:31:17 GMT

100 pictures of Little Animals on Fingers. Some are really awesome.

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 04:24:32 GMT

That explains a lot.

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 00:45:11 GMT

Every time I look at that, I laugh a little harder.

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 04:25:42 GMT

PS1 + PS2 = PS3

(Original Ebay auction)

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 03:22:23 GMT

The senate too?

Woot. And I mean that in the sense of the acronym: We Own the Other Team.

(Quite literally)

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 04:18:40 GMT

Copyright ©1998 Google Inc.

I stumbled across this in my browsing today. Things have changed a little bit since then, eh? When did they take the exclamation point out of their logo anyway? It was a nice touch. What do you think? Do you remember google '98? I sure as hell don't.

I almost don't believe this

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 21:38:50 GMT

1) Go to Google Maps (or google earth, if you have it, and skip steps 3 and 4).
2) Type 50° 0'38.20"N 110° 6'48.32"W in the box, hit Search Maps.
3) Zoom in to the 3rd bar from the top.
4) Hit satellite.
5) Gasp.

That look like a Native American to you? Canada's cooler than I thought.

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 03:06:29 GMT

To see a cool (temporary) effect in your web browser,

1. Browse to Amazon.com, or any other site with lots of embedded images.

2. Copy/paste (no " marks) this code into the address bar, and hit go.

javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.getElementsByTagName("img"); DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=(Math.sin(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5)+"px"; DIS.top=(Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5)+"px"}R++}setInterval('A()',5); void(0);

I know it's pretty straight-forward javascript, and I think it's using trig functions on the images embedded in a web page.

Let me know if this works on macs as well as on PCs.

(fixed 10/24)

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 01:35:54 GMT

Something to (hopefully) cheer y'all up on your first day of school:

The things you see in a pet shop...

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 14:52:54 GMT

Wow.

Mensa Invitational: Puns

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 03:00:28 GMT

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2005 winners

1. Cashtration (n): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

3. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

4. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.

5. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting
laid.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is, like, sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like,
a serious bummer.

11. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.

12. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

13. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 00:48:52 GMT

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 00:29:00 GMT

Ode to Confucianism
December 19 2002

China’s laws and government were based on you,
O’ Confucius, you taught them to
Never do to others what you wouldn’t want done to you
Filial piety was central, too.
Unctuous people—you thought they were nerds.
'Cause they made pious gestures and spoke with honeyed words.
Ideas of great gravity, you harangued and spout
About places in society and not to be an idle lout.
No malice will you show to your husband or big bro.
Inferior you are, did you not know?
Some think other philosophies were OK,
My theory is that you were the best of your day.

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 04:11:07 GMT

Costa Rica is where it's at.

Today I got a whole roll of film: shots of us Americans in ridiculous emo poses in front of beautiful Costa Rican scenery.

We met this guy in Restaurant Tex Mex who was born in Nyack and grew up in Haverstraw. What are the chances?

Tomorrow, after classes, we're going repelling down the face of a 215-foot waterfall.

Escribir en Inglés es extraño.

Two Beckett Quotes

Sun, 22 May 2005 16:35:30 GMT

Quotes as requested by Katie:

Art Spiegelman: "Samuel Beckett once said: 'Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.' On the other hand, he said it."

(thanks, Ali, for inspiring me to finally read Maus)

The Movie "Becket":

Thomas Becket: Tonight you can do me the honor of christening my forks.
King Henry II: Forks?
Thomas Becket: Yes, from Florence. New little invention. It's for pronging meat and carrying it to the mouth. It saves you dirtying your fingers.
King Henry II: But then you dirty the fork.
Thomas Becket: Yes, but it's washable.
King Henry II: So are your fingers. I don't see the point.

Wed, 11 May 2005 01:26:14 GMT

OK so I'm at a birthday dinner at Kahn's Mongolian Garden...and we're all talking about Mongolians. My dad's sharing some stuff he read in the New Yorker, such as: "Mongolians rode horses so much that they were almost all bowlegged and couldn't walk more than 100 steps."

My sister's just sitting there...taking it all in...but she doesn't actually know what "Mongolian" means. After a few minutes, she shyly asks, "Mongolian...Dynamite?"

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 01:58:37 GMT

New icon--included in case of future icon change.

Comment!

Wiped the entries

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 02:59:34 GMT

Don't expect too many entries. Maybe I'll post a few quotes here and there.

Need to reach me? Comment here and I'll get an e-mail.